My journey through miscarriages..

I have had 4 miscarriages. I have 4 beautifully perfect children in heaven! I can't wait to meet them :) I miss them often.

This is the story of our first baby...
I had my first loss at the age of 18(Dec 1997). DH and I were in the early stages of our dating journey. We were excited even though it would be very hard to raise a baby. Sadly though, we never got to do that. I started bleeding/cramping around 8 weeks. It didn't really click at first that something was wrong. When the cramping got unbearable though, I went to the ER and they confirmed that the baby was gone. I had to have a D&C done. I told DH to not come up, I don't know why....I regret that now. I wish he could have been there with me that day. We were heartbroken. I know some may think this is weird but we named that baby. No, we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. We went with our gut feeling and that was that our baby was a girl...Abigail is her name.

I had 4 healthy beautiful children after that little girl was lost. I couldn't imagine my life without them. The crazy thing is that if Abby wouldn't have gone to heaven, who knows which of the other kids would be with us today. We all have a path in life and if one thing changes it effects everything after that too. Don't take this the wrong way but I wouldn't change a thing.
After our last baby, we decided that we wanted more :) So, we tried to get pregnant! Sure enough we did.
It was May 2006. We had only known for about a week and had told everyone in the world! We were overjoyed! Our joy was cut short though. I started spotting. We had bloodwork done and the doctor called to confirm that the baby was gone. Her name isSarah.
I figured that our odds were pretty good at having a normal healthy pregnancy since we had had 2 losses already. Why would someone who has had 4 babies and 2 losses have another miscarriage? I didn't think we would have anymore problems. God wouldn't do that to us.
We got pregnant again in November 2006. Right away we did bloodwork to make sure all was ok. I waited anxiously for that phone call....so sure that I would only hear good news. While waiting I started to have some bleeding. I started to get nervous. All the labs came back and things didn't look promising. We then repeated all the labs. We were told that this baby was gone . His name is Cooper.
At this point I am pretty pissed off at God. Why would He make me suffer? Why would He do this to me?? It just didn't make sense. I cried, no, I sobbed! I balled my eyes out. I had to tell my children that yet again, there would be no new baby for us. They were sad too. I figured there had to be a reason for all this. God,Why do you keep allowing this to happen? I soon realized my path was not to go that direction right now. I was to go another way. I was being called to help someone in a very big way. If I was pregnant I couldn't do this. This is just how my path was supposed to go and I started to be ok with that. In July 2007, I donated my left kidney. That is where my path had led me.
On December 31, 2007....we found out we were pregnant!!!! We were ecstatic!! We were also very cautious too. We told everyone. We told the kids and they were so happy!! So was I :) We went in for an ultrasound and they couldn't find a hb. We thought maybe our dates were off and we weren't as far along as we though. We did bloodwork, again. The doctor called the next day with the news.....the baby was gone. SERIOUSLY??? AGAIN??? How many times am I going to hear that?? Our sweet baby was in heaven with her siblings. Her name is Josephine.
In July of 2009, after seeing a doctor for secondary infertility, 3 unsuccessful IUI's and finally just giving up.......we had our baby, Evelyn Faith was born on 7-16-09. I can't wait to share the story of her older siblings with her :)
I am so blessed to be the mother of 9 children! I can't wait until I can finally meet them all.
It is so nice to know that I am not the only woman who has lost a baby. I have met some wonderful friends because of our sad connection. I want others to be comfortable talking about their loss. That is your baby and you loved him/her more than anything. If I had one wish, it wouldn't be for lots of money or world peace. It would be that no woman would ever have to deal with the loss of a child again.