What?!?

It's December already?? How did that happen? This past year has just been a whirlwind of craziness! It has been full of happy times and sad times. Last month my good friend Kathy passed away, she was 32 years old. Her faith in God during the past 11 months just AMAZED ME!! She trusted Him completely....it was inspiring. I miss her so much. The good thing is that I will get to see her again!! God is good :) If you want to read her full story go here. It will hopefully amaze and inspire you to SHINE!

Christmas is next week. It seems too soon! I am not even half way done shopping!!! Please don't forget the reason for the season~ JESUS! He was born to earth so that you would have everlasting life...all you have to do is Admit to God that you have sinned ( Romans 3:23), Believe that Jesus is God's son and He died for your sins (John 3:16) and Confess your faith in Jesus and commit your life to Him ( Romans 10:9) I did this over 7 years ago and my life hasn't been the same since...in a good way. Now, I don't want you to think everything has been all perfect or anything but I have been able to get through some times because of my faith in the Lord! He has carried me and will continue to do so as long as I let him. Isn't that AWESOME?! All you have to do is those 3 easy steps and the Lord will always be there for you. When you are enjoying time with your family and friends this season don't forget the REAL reason....JESUS :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!

Thankfulness 1,2 &3

I am going to post what I am thankful for every day this month.

1. My family
2. My God
3. My warm cozy house

Fall is here!!

I am soooo excited!!! I thought it was never going to come! I love fall :) It is so beautiful. The way the cool breeze sneaks in and the leaves start to change colors.... just puts a big smile on my face. I love being able to open the windows and air out the house. The fresh air is so good! I love being able to sit out under the stars with a blanket and enjoy the cool crisp air. The kids love having bonfires and fall is the perfect time to do that! They really like the marshmallow part of the fire! We pulled out all the fall clothes because the mornings are really chilly. I also enjoy the break my checkbook gets from not running the a/c all the time :) That is enough to make anyone love fall.

THANKFUL THURSDAY

This is what I found this morning :) My husband is the sweetest!

Look @ what I did....

I found this ugly chair on Craigslist for $5






and I went to Hobby Lobby and bought some pretty fabric for $8 and a new cushion for $2.50 and I tore off all the ugliness and made it pretty :)
It looks super cute and Evelyn loves it! I even had some extra fabric and made a little pillow to go with it.....

My journey through miscarriages..

I have had 4 miscarriages. I have 4 beautifully perfect children in heaven! I can't wait to meet them :) I miss them often.

This is the story of our first baby...
I had my first loss at the age of 18(Dec 1997). DH and I were in the early stages of our dating journey. We were excited even though it would be very hard to raise a baby. Sadly though, we never got to do that. I started bleeding/cramping around 8 weeks. It didn't really click at first that something was wrong. When the cramping got unbearable though, I went to the ER and they confirmed that the baby was gone. I had to have a D&C done. I told DH to not come up, I don't know why....I regret that now. I wish he could have been there with me that day. We were heartbroken. I know some may think this is weird but we named that baby. No, we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. We went with our gut feeling and that was that our baby was a girl...Abigail is her name.

I had 4 healthy beautiful children after that little girl was lost. I couldn't imagine my life without them. The crazy thing is that if Abby wouldn't have gone to heaven, who knows which of the other kids would be with us today. We all have a path in life and if one thing changes it effects everything after that too. Don't take this the wrong way but I wouldn't change a thing.
After our last baby, we decided that we wanted more :) So, we tried to get pregnant! Sure enough we did.
It was May 2006. We had only known for about a week and had told everyone in the world! We were overjoyed! Our joy was cut short though. I started spotting. We had bloodwork done and the doctor called to confirm that the baby was gone. Her name isSarah.
I figured that our odds were pretty good at having a normal healthy pregnancy since we had had 2 losses already. Why would someone who has had 4 babies and 2 losses have another miscarriage? I didn't think we would have anymore problems. God wouldn't do that to us.
We got pregnant again in November 2006. Right away we did bloodwork to make sure all was ok. I waited anxiously for that phone call....so sure that I would only hear good news. While waiting I started to have some bleeding. I started to get nervous. All the labs came back and things didn't look promising. We then repeated all the labs. We were told that this baby was gone . His name is Cooper.
At this point I am pretty pissed off at God. Why would He make me suffer? Why would He do this to me?? It just didn't make sense. I cried, no, I sobbed! I balled my eyes out. I had to tell my children that yet again, there would be no new baby for us. They were sad too. I figured there had to be a reason for all this. God,Why do you keep allowing this to happen? I soon realized my path was not to go that direction right now. I was to go another way. I was being called to help someone in a very big way. If I was pregnant I couldn't do this. This is just how my path was supposed to go and I started to be ok with that. In July 2007, I donated my left kidney. That is where my path had led me.
On December 31, 2007....we found out we were pregnant!!!! We were ecstatic!! We were also very cautious too. We told everyone. We told the kids and they were so happy!! So was I :) We went in for an ultrasound and they couldn't find a hb. We thought maybe our dates were off and we weren't as far along as we though. We did bloodwork, again. The doctor called the next day with the news.....the baby was gone. SERIOUSLY??? AGAIN??? How many times am I going to hear that?? Our sweet baby was in heaven with her siblings. Her name is Josephine.
In July of 2009, after seeing a doctor for secondary infertility, 3 unsuccessful IUI's and finally just giving up.......we had our baby, Evelyn Faith was born on 7-16-09. I can't wait to share the story of her older siblings with her :)
I am so blessed to be the mother of 9 children! I can't wait until I can finally meet them all.
It is so nice to know that I am not the only woman who has lost a baby. I have met some wonderful friends because of our sad connection. I want others to be comfortable talking about their loss. That is your baby and you loved him/her more than anything. If I had one wish, it wouldn't be for lots of money or world peace. It would be that no woman would ever have to deal with the loss of a child again.

Oh Monday...

how I have missed you, NOT! I hate mondays, they are just so blah! Today Evelyn decided to take off her diaper....it was full.....of POOP!!! UGGHHH!! She had it everywhere, on the carpet, on her leg, hand, arm, face and sippy cup! It was a disaster! I scooped her up and put her in a football hold, that way I didn't get any one me, and stuck her in the sink to take a bath. She thought all of this madness was funny, girl has a messed up sense of humor. So, that is how my monday started...don't be too jealous!
Our weekend was good though. We had Hannah's swim party on Saturday. She got to swim, play in a fun house and ride pony's! Lucky little girl :) She had a blast and so did everyone else. That night Adam took 3 of the kiddos to the racetrack for Christmas in July/Kids night. They were so excited. They had nickel races too, the kids got to go out on the track and pick up nickles. Some had special paint on them and you could get a prize. No prizes for us though, but we got about $5 in nickels between the 3 of them. Sunday we went to church and then to Six Flags water park. This was the first time we had been and it was AWESOME!! I had thought about taking the kids during the week but didn't know if I would be doable with just me, but it totally is. We will definately be going back soon!

Rember to breath..

I often forget to do this. Obviously not that often otherwise I wouldn't be here! I get so caught up in all the day to day craziness that I forget to breath. I run around like a crazy chicken until I just can't do it anymore and I am on the verge of tears. I need to breath, stop and enjoy all the beauty that God has given me! I have been trying to make an effort to get out of the house for at least 20 minutes and breath. The fresh air and the sunshine just does wonders for a persons soul....I highly recommend it.
These past few weeks have been absolutely maddening. We have had 2 birthday parties in that time. Evelyn turned the big #1 and Hannah turned 6. We had a big BBQ at our house for Booger (aka Evelyn) and a swim party at my mom and dads for Bean (aka Hannah). I feel like such a crab butt on the days of the parties because I worry so much about what needs to be done still and you guessed it I forget to breath and enjoy the party.
I still can't believe my two babies are 1 and 6. They really do grow up so fast! Evelyn is walking now and talking up a storm. Hannah is getting ready to start 1st grade. The others (aka Brianna, Paige and Josh) are going into 6th, 3rd and 2nd.....I feel so old!!!
All in all, I would have to say July was a good month. I am looking forward to the fun that August will bring,...Six Flags, Third Day concert, camping, girls night at the Muny, back to school and I'm sure much, much more!!
So.....remember to breath this month and enjoy every last drop of your day!

monday...

It is monday again. Where does the weekend go? I wish it were longer because I truly LOVE spending time with my hubby and kids. We don't always do alot of thing but we hang out and enjoy each others company. We went swimming on saturday with the kiddos and they loved it. They could stay in the pool all day if I would let them :) That evening hubby cooked up some awesome steaks for the two us and some hot dogs for the kiddos. It was so nice to get a break from cooking dinner! He is so good to me :)
On sunday I rode my bike for over 2 hours!!! I know it's insane but I was trying to help my sister. She entered a contest to win a new car but to win the car you had to go on a scavenger hunt and get points. We choose to bike because it would be faster than running around downtown St. Louis. I won't keep ya hanging, she didn't win but we had a good time anyway....my butt is a little sore from the too tall bike I was riding though. It was fun to ride around downtown, I haven't been down there in so long and there are so many neat things down there to do. I think hubby and I will have to plan a downtown datenight soon :)
Only 5 more days until my little booger baby turns 1 :( She is growing up too fast!!!

it's been a while...

Wow! It's been over a month since my last post.
The kiddos are now home for the summer and anxiously awaiting their cash money for going to summer school. They are checking the mail everyday! The still haven't decided what they are buying yet. Somedays it is a pool, others a trampoline, some a vacation. Who knows! It is nice having them home :)
We are in the planning process for 2 birthdays this month. Evelyn turns 1 and Hannah turns 6. My babies are growing so fast :(
We are also trying to figure out how to go camping with a baby. Not sure how this will turn out but I bet we will have some exciting stories :)
I have started cloth diapering Evelyn. I know you probably think I am crazy but I am not :) I just got so sick of paying for diapers and just tossing them. I was very intimidated at first but it is actually pretty simple once you get the hang of it. I do so much laundry as it is that one more load was no big deal!
Thats about it for now. I will try to post again soon.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for an ever providing God. I have always struggled with trusting God with EVERYTHING! I am learning, slowly, to trust Him in all parts of my life. No matter what He is always there! How awesome is that? If He makes sure the birds have all that they need, why wouldn't He make sure all my needs are met? He died for me! He will provide for me too....God is good :)

I am also thankful for 11 years wonderful years of marriage :) I found the man of my dreams and I love him so much! Adam you are an amazing husband! Thank you for loving me everyday no matter what!

Our big girl

Birthday Party Pics :)

Madness!!

Last night Brianna had her school play and Josh had boys scouts. We divvied up the kiddos and headed our seperate ways. Adam got Josh and Evelyn ( there was no way she was gonna sit still through a play) and I got the other girls :) Josh had fun at scouts and Evelyn behaved fairly well ( she ate puffs the majority of the time) and Brianna did a fantastic job in her play/musical! We always get ice cream after someone has a performance so we continued this tradition...but we brought it home to everyone. With all this craziness everyone got to bed later than usual, including Evelyn. So, I thought we made it through the madness pretty well.... until.....Josh comes into my room this morning and tells me the tooth fairy forgot to come!!!! Insert sad look on little boys face :( OMG!!! I totally forgot and he didn't say anything before bed...so I did what any good mom would do and I thought of a lie! It must have been because we went to bed later than normal so she got confused......he bought it....i think. So, the tooth fairy is leaving a nice gift tonight to make up for her forgetfullness :) The joys of madness!

a letter

Dear Evelyn,
Could you please sleep all night? You can't really be THAT hungry that you need to wake up at 3 am and eat?! Just so you know, the doc said we can't feed you in the middle of the night anymore........you are too big! So, please just sleep all night...everyone will be happier come morning time. Also, if you wake up during the night, can you refrain from screaming bloody murder? please? I would prefer you not wake everyone in the house up. If you could just do these couple little things....you will make mommy very happy, and when mommy is happy, everyone is happy : )

Love,
Mommy

Blah..

This is how I am feeling right now. I feel this way about me in general. I am not on track with the exercise, weight loss thing and I feel BLAH!!! I just can't seem to work it into my day. I hate taking Evelyn to the daycare at the Y....I just feel that she doesn't get the love and attention she needs ( yes, she's spoiled ). We went walking a few times and she seemed to like that, but I seem to always have so much other stuff to accomplish that exercise gets pushed to the side. I have a few workout videos and wii fit but just can't find the time. I don't know how other people do it. I just hate the way I look and I feel like junk too. Maybe this week I can get back on track.

Normal

I finally feel like we are back to normal in this house....or as normal as we can get :) The room addition passed final inspection and we now have everybody situated in their new rooms. Adam did such an awesome job on the new room, I am so proud of him! He is the bestest hubby ever!!! We still have a few little projects here and there but no more big projects like that.
We had a great Easter weekend too. The kiddos went to 3 egg hunts just this weekend....they have more candy than they know what to do with. For the first time in almost 5 years we went to the egg hunt on Easter morning at Berra park. I went to this hunt growing up and so did my mom. We got there right as the cannon went off and the kids got tons of eggs. Of course, as usual I forgot to take pics of the kids in their cute Easter outfits. Bad mommy!

my old blog

if you wanna see how we got to this point...check out my old blog
www.hndzfl.wordpress.com

Room update

It’s been a while…. we are so close to the room addition being done that I can taste it!!! It can’t come soon enough, hopefully only a few more days. It will be so nice when everyone has their own room (especially me!) The construction process has been very stressful on all of us. Adam has been working on the room almost everyday after work until late and I know he is tired and worn out. I have been taking care of the kids and everything else in the house and this has caused me to be really frazzled and tired too. We are so ready for this. I can’t wait until our house is back to normal and we can reconnect as a family and a couple. The room looks awesome, Adam has just amazed me with the awesome job he has done :) I am so proud of him. We have scheduled the final inspection for friday!!! I am so excited.

Welcome

This is my fancy new blog :) I hope you like it!